Angels on Earth

Not long ago I announced I'd be going back to work Will Work For Food.  This week I did it- as a developmental therapy tech.  I was a bit apprehensive to say the least.  I'm a stay at home mom all the way through the heart- but it's mostly for mom reasons we are finding this necessary.  Now I see it as a blessing.  No, I don't mean a financial blessing.  I'm talking about the fact that I get to go to work with angels every day. Two sets of them.  I am very impressed with the facility I work for.  The staff's rapport with each other is great, everyone is positive and happy to be there.  They treat the clients with the utmost respect.  I watched for an hour and a half as one of my associates, after constantly questioned, reminded a client of the time and how much longer until it was time to go home approximately every 2 minutes- no exaggeration (35-40 times).  You'd never know if it became annoying to her.

That brings me to the greatest part of my work- the clients.  They are the true angels, special spirits from heaven paired with simple minds and complicated bodies.  I get hugs, high-fives and smiles everywhere I go.  In the lunchroom they all beg me to sit by them.  Someone accomplishes something and everyone claps and cheers.  It takes very little to entertain them.  One comment like "Fire in the hole" and they all crack up.  They don't need much, just a little love, patience and guidance and they're thrilled.

I can't help but think it's how we all should be.  Easily satisfied, non-judgmental, happy to help, happy to be alive, no matter the hardships we have.  As frustrations arise when I have too many things to do in my day I only need remember that I have these responsibilities because I've been given MUCH- things like two working legs, a mind that although somewhat flighty has the ability to calculate 1+2, the ability to get a drink by myself without getting lost walking across the hallway.  Yes, I'm fortunate, I'm lucky, I'm blessed.  I have a working mind and body......And I'm working with angels.

Mother's Day Confessions

Confession:  For years I've secretly dreaded Mother's Day.  This  is should be that day of the year that I basque in the glory of my beautiful children and the wonderful job I'm doing to raise them.  It  is should be the day that I'm proud to say I'm a mom because no one else can do it quite like I can.  It  is should be the day that I don't have to listen to any bickering because in return for all the love I dish out to my family they, just for 12 hours or so, want to say thanks and show me love the way I will appreciate most.

I know it will start with breakfast in bed (well, unless it's like two years ago when everyone forgot until it was time to get ready for church).  The fire alarms will go off and wake me before the kids can bring my food...I love that part actually.  I'll hear them argue outside the door over who gets to give me the plate, and who has to give me the glass of milk or come in empty handed.  They may even argue over who did more on the breakfast preparations.  I wish they weren't so competitive and I could certainly do without the arguing but I do love that they want to please me.  To show me they love me.

The day will be inundated with stories of our near perfect moms in our blog posts (Hey I do this too, I'm not judging), magazine and news articles and talks at church.  They'll be about the moms who know where everything is when no one else does.  The moms who make everything better because they are the one person in the home that is patient and doesn't get frustrated.  The mom who runs their kids from one lesson to another and still manages to keep the house spotless and cook a homemade 4 course meal with parsley on the side and volunteers three times a week at the local food bank.  The stories will tell how moms are great multitaskers and have eyes in the back of their heads and have warm cookies and milk ready for their kid when they return home from school every day.  They have the best advise and can always make their kids smile when they've had a bad day.  They'll have the qualities I have...and many more that I don't.

Don't get me wrong.  I think it's wonderful that there's a holiday to honor those of us who do the most important of our Father's work. I wouldn't have it any other way.  But for years I've wondered if in that high esteem given us there is actually an expectation that's set that's too high for us moms to feel we can actually achieve.  Usually, by the end of the day I am realizing all the things I fail consistently in....and maybe that's good in some ways- after all we need reminders so we can continue to improve.  It'd just be nice if Mother's Day was the day we could take a break from the reality of our weaknesses and feel good about being a mom in spite of them.  Am I the only weird one?  That in people's desire to celebrate a mother's greatest strengths, and with all good intentions try to uplift us, we see our greatest weaknesses?  I have a feeling I'm not the only weird one.  And yes, I've discovered that it is weird.  Actually, it makes no sense.

Last night I went to a positive marriage class taught by a remarkable wife and mother, Carleen Tanner.  She talked about unreal expectations.  Although she was talking in regards to the expectations we set on our spouses I realized I need to apply this to myself.  I listen to the stories of other mom's perfections and expect myself to be able to duplicate ALL their strengths.  No mom can do that.  Why should I expect if of myself?

I also have set unreal expectations on those around me- although they didn't know it until now.  I'm basically saying, don't tell me the good stuff mom's do because it'll make me feel bad, but certainly don't tell me what they do wrong either because that's just plain rude.  Where does that leave anyone?  Out there in la-la land afraid to say anything for fear of offending me.  I'm the problem.  So the change needs to start 

with me.  And I'm proud to say I've had a change of heart.

Now, I'm looking forward to reading your mom blogs and listening to the wonderful stories of people's near perfect moms, at church.  And I'll be saying, "Good for you, to have a mom that awesome!  SOMEDAY I hope to have those same qualities, but I need to work on a little at a time."  I'll still have reservations.  I'll be hoping that my own kids won't be taking a mental tally and feeling slighted.  But when those thoughts pop in my head I'll remember who wants them there (and it's not God) and start my own list of the things I'm good at.  And when my kids fight and bicker and I honestly don't know what to do to make them stop I'll try my hardest to remember that somehow, in my imperfect glory, I'M the best mom for MY kids!

Happy Mother's Day!

Will Work For Food

After some discussion with my husband we've determined that it's necessary for me to work outside the home again.  It seems this is my trial in life.  (See my feelings about stay at home moms) We do everything we can to earn the money we need while I'm at home being a mom but things happen.  Namely, reductions in hours, pay and benefits.  I refuse to work outside the home for things like a new boat, the nicest house in the neighborhood or so we can all look like we stepped out of a Hollister catalog (they don't make clothes in my size anyway).  There are some things I'm willing to work for though.  Here are some of them:

It's a full time job just for groceries and gas!

I just can't complain about this.

Holy Hannah!  After 1 semester WITH a pell grant I'm in shock.  And we have many more kids coming up!

What more can I say after this sign?

No...I didn't have cardboard.  My son says it's because we can't afford it. Hahaha.

Lazy Stay-At-Home-Moms

I have been thinking of Hilary Rosen's comment about Ann Romney "never working a day in her life".  Okay maybe she didn't mean it the way it came out, maybe she was talking about working out of the home, maybe she just spoke before thinking.  We've all done that.  But this did create a stir and bring up a not so new misconception of stay-at-home-moms.  "Satan is always attempting to undermine the most precious element of a woman's divine nature—the nature to nurture. "Mothers and Daughters," Ensign, May 2010, 20  I see this as just another attempt.  At first I was irritable.  Now I'm not.  I got it all out on my tablet while I waited for my daughter to play her tennis match yesterday.  Yes, it's a bit sarcastic.  Please forgive me.  It was a much better option that egging Hilary R's house.

Ms. Rosen,

I'd like to help you feel better about the comment you're getting so much back-lash for.  I, like Ann Romney, am a stay-at-home-mom.  I think if you could see a day at my house it would give you something to show others- trust me it will verify what you said is true.

I do absolutely nothing but play on facebook and eat all day, well, I do throw in a TV show here or there too.  I'm very fortunate to have a husband that supports me in this life style.  It doesn't bother him at all that while he's working hard to earn a living I'm laying around the house or spending that hard-earned money on clothes at the mall.  I am also fortunate to not have to do laundry.  I've declared our home a nudist colony and took care of that problem long ago- can you imagine doing laundry for 7 people?   A never ending job!  I also order out for meals so I don't have to wash dishes.  That has really made my life easy.  I had a drinking fountain installed so we don't have glasses to wash either, cause heaven knows no one can use the same glass over and over.  Just like the oven, I have self-cleaning toilets, whew!  Thank heavens for that because without me working we could never afford a maid.

What about the children you ask?  That's easy.  When they were potty-training I sent them to daycare.  That messy job is NOT for me.  You wouldn't blame me if you had 5 kids in 7 years either.  Trust me.  They're very well behaved, never fight, always pick up their belongings and fend for themselves so I really don't need to do anything for them.  They're all geniuses too so I never need to help with homework.  When they have problems they don't come to me, they have friends for that.  If they want to do a sport or extra curricular activity I just tell them to make sure they have their own rides because I certainly don't need to be there.  My presence isn't going to change the outcome of the game and besides they have coaches who support them, that's their job.

No, I don't want responsibility.   This gives me more time to spend at the salon and I never have to break my nails scrubbing floors or cabinets.  I'm sure this is why my husband is so supportive of my being at home.  I have much more time to spend being lazy eye-candy.

Trina Browning

After I wrote this I felt better.  Honestly, I don't need the approval of this woman or anyone else, to know that what I do is the most important work on this earth- and I doubt Ann Romney is so insecure that she needs it either.  President David O. McKay said, "This ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness, yes, longing to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world.  (Gospel Ideals, Salt Lake City: Improvement Era, 1953, pp. 453-54)."

As a mom we start out carrying a child inside us for 9 (often uncomfortable) months.  As we begin to bring them into the world we start with "labor" which is symbolic of the work we'll be doing for the next, well, forever.  Once a mom always a mom.  As we hold that tiny baby in our arms we realize that our labors are all worth it.  And so it goes over the years.  We lose sleep trying to calm a fussy baby.  Then when they finally fall asleep we watch their precious little features react with their dreams and listen to their quiet breathing and sighs and our hearts melt.  When they plug the toilet with a roll of toilet paper and a cell phone we're upset (and work hard to fix the clog, keep our temper under control etc.) but when they climb up on our lap and put their chubby little hands on the side of our face we remember that it's all worth it.  And so it continues even into adulthood.  The same cycle.  Labor then reward and realization that it's worth it and you'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Many of us make the choice to be a stay-at-home-mom when we do have other options.  In the Miss Teen pageant in Hollywood CA, many years ago, an agent heard me sing and approached us about getting me on tour opening for already successful artists.  I was thrilled!  I'd dreamed of this but didn't actually think it would ever happen.  It was so  tempting.  But something inside told me if I did this I would not bring my future children up the way God intended.  I chose to be a mom instead of follow that dream career.  I don't regret it, and never have, although I miss performing on stage terribly.  I'd love to just belt it out in front of a few hundred thousand people but I know what I've chosen to do is much more a worthy calling.  I chose to bring my children into this world and I choose to raise them.  Now this isn't to say I haven't worked outside the home, even now I teach First Aid and CPR classes on the side, but I've done everything I can to be home.  For the last three years I've taken care of a live-in disabled person.  I did daycare and preschool for 14 years.  But not consecutively, when things have gotten rough and I couldn't find enough kids to watch I've had to work, even full time to help make ends meet.  I was the trainer and supervisor of a Market Research company for 3 years and have over 6 years in customer service and collections.  I don't criticize anyone for having to work.  I've been there, and I know how hard it is to have double duty, especially when you want to be at home with your kids.  I don't criticize those who choose to work, although I do feel sorry for your children.  Not because you're not there with them, but because your heart is not there with them.  Some may think that's harsh of me- it's honest though.  The most important thing we can be in this lifetime is the parent of our child.


" 'After all, to do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of all mankind, is the truest greatness. To be a successful father or a successful mother is greater than to be a successful general or a successful statesman.' (Juvenile Instructor, 15 Dec. 1905, p. 752.) . . 


 I spent many years as a daycare mom feeling I cared more about children than some of their parents did.  I remember poor Kelly who was in my daycare from 7am until 6pm each night.  When she turned 5 she asked that her mom stay home for one day and play with her.  That's what she wanted for her birthday.  Instead she got a bike among other toys (which she opened at 6am so mom could get to work on time).  The day she turned 5 she cried on and off for the whole day.  No matter how much I loved her, played with her, cuddled her, tried to distract her, I was not a replacement for her mom.  It broke my heart.  This was a pattern in their lives.  Kelly's mom had her child and her career.  She had it all.  Too bad Kelly didn't.

"If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them. If you are not a mother now, the creative talents you develop will prepare you for that day, in this life or the next."Happiness, Your Heritage," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 119

This is not the life of the lazy.  Being a mom takes time, effort, labor.

One last thing.  Ms. Rosen made a comment about Mitt Romney listening to his wife who was a stay-at-home-mom and out of touch with the world as being old fashioned.  I'd like to say that old fashioned isn't always bad.  Some things that are old fashioned should stay.  After all, if something's not broke don't fix it.  Like integrity, hard work, and monogamy, good ol' fashioned family values isn't something to change.  I hope all husbands will listen to their wives, whether they work in or out of the home.

I feel sorry for you Ms. Rosen.  It may be presumptuous of me but I fear that in your pursuit of self-fulfillment you've missed something very vital to the salvation and happiness of the souls around you.  You've forgotten to appreciate the choices of other very strong women and recognize them for what they are.  You've forgotten that we are all sisters who need to support each other rather than criticize, this life isn't easy for any of us.  We may each go about things differently than each other but we are all important, and all daughter's of a God that loves us.  Yes, even you.  Please take it easy on those daughters that are doing his most noble work.

I'd love to know your thoughts.  Feel free to comment.  If you leave your blog link I'll comment back as well.