Friday, April 13, 2012

Lazy Stay-At-Home-Moms

I have been thinking of Hilary Rosen's comment about Ann Romney "never working a day in her life".  Okay maybe she didn't mean it the way it came out, maybe she was talking about working out of the home, maybe she just spoke before thinking.  We've all done that.  But this did create a stir and bring up a not so new misconception of stay-at-home-moms.  "Satan is always attempting to undermine the most precious element of a woman's divine nature—the nature to nurture. "Mothers and Daughters," Ensign, May 2010, 20  I see this as just another attempt.  At first I was irritable.  Now I'm not.  I got it all out on my tablet while I waited for my daughter to play her tennis match yesterday.  Yes, it's a bit sarcastic.  Please forgive me.  It was a much better option that egging Hilary R's house.

Ms. Rosen,

I'd like to help you feel better about the comment you're getting so much back-lash for.  I, like Ann Romney, am a stay-at-home-mom.  I think if you could see a day at my house it would give you something to show others- trust me it will verify what you said is true.

I do absolutely nothing but play on facebook and eat all day, well, I do throw in a TV show here or there too.  I'm very fortunate to have a husband that supports me in this life style.  It doesn't bother him at all that while he's working hard to earn a living I'm laying around the house or spending that hard-earned money on clothes at the mall.  I am also fortunate to not have to do laundry.  I've declared our home a nudist colony and took care of that problem long ago- can you imagine doing laundry for 7 people?   A never ending job!  I also order out for meals so I don't have to wash dishes.  That has really made my life easy.  I had a drinking fountain installed so we don't have glasses to wash either, cause heaven knows no one can use the same glass over and over.  Just like the oven, I have self-cleaning toilets, whew!  Thank heavens for that because without me working we could never afford a maid.

What about the children you ask?  That's easy.  When they were potty-training I sent them to daycare.  That messy job is NOT for me.  You wouldn't blame me if you had 5 kids in 7 years either.  Trust me.  They're very well behaved, never fight, always pick up their belongings and fend for themselves so I really don't need to do anything for them.  They're all geniuses too so I never need to help with homework.  When they have problems they don't come to me, they have friends for that.  If they want to do a sport or extra curricular activity I just tell them to make sure they have their own rides because I certainly don't need to be there.  My presence isn't going to change the outcome of the game and besides they have coaches who support them, that's their job.

No, I don't want responsibility.   This gives me more time to spend at the salon and I never have to break my nails scrubbing floors or cabinets.  I'm sure this is why my husband is so supportive of my being at home.  I have much more time to spend being lazy eye-candy.

Trina Browning

After I wrote this I felt better.  Honestly, I don't need the approval of this woman or anyone else, to know that what I do is the most important work on this earth- and I doubt Ann Romney is so insecure that she needs it either.  President David O. McKay said, "This ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness, yes, longing to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world (Gospel Ideals, Salt Lake City: Improvement Era, 1953, pp. 453-54)."

As a mom we start out carrying a child inside us for 9 (often uncomfortable) months.  As we begin to bring them into the world we start with "labor" which is symbolic of the work we'll be doing for the next, well, forever.  Once a mom always a mom.  As we hold that tiny baby in our arms we realize that our labors are all worth it.  And so it goes over the years.  We lose sleep trying to calm a fussy baby.  Then when they finally fall asleep we watch their precious little features react with their dreams and listen to their quiet breathing and sighs and our hearts melt.  When they plug the toilet with a roll of toilet paper and a cell phone we're upset (and work hard to fix the clog, keep our temper under control etc.) but when they climb up on our lap and put their chubby little hands on the side of our face we remember that it's all worth it.  And so it continues even into adulthood.  The same cycle.  Labor then reward and realization that it's worth it and you'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Many of us make the choice to be a stay-at-home-mom when we do have other options.  In the Miss Teen pageant in Hollywood CA, many years ago, an agent heard me sing and approached us about getting me on tour opening for already successful artists.  I was thrilled!  I'd dreamed of this but didn't actually think it would ever happen.  It was so  tempting.  But something inside told me if I did this I would not bring my future children up the way God intended.  I chose to be a mom instead of follow that dream career.  I don't regret it, and never have, although I miss performing on stage terribly.  I'd love to just belt it out in front of a few hundred thousand people but I know what I've chosen to do is much more a worthy calling.  I chose to bring my children into this world and I choose to raise them.  Now this isn't to say I haven't worked outside the home, even now I teach First Aid and CPR classes on the side, but I've done everything I can to be home.  For the last three years I've taken care of a live-in disabled person.  I did daycare and preschool for 14 years.  But not consecutively, when things have gotten rough and I couldn't find enough kids to watch I've had to work, even full time to help make ends meet.  I was the trainer and supervisor of a Market Research company for 3 years and have over 6 years in customer service and collections.  I don't criticize anyone for having to work.  I've been there, and I know how hard it is to have double duty, especially when you want to be at home with your kids.  I don't criticize those who choose to work, although I do feel sorry for your children.  Not because you're not there with them, but because your heart is not there with them.  Some may think that's harsh of me- it's honest though.  The most important thing we can be in this lifetime is the parent of our child.

" 'After all, to do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of all mankind, is the truest greatness. To be a successful father or a successful mother is greater than to be a successful general or a successful statesman.' (Juvenile Instructor, 15 Dec. 1905, p. 752.) . . 

 I spent many years as a daycare mom feeling I cared more about children than some of their parents did.  I remember poor Kelly who was in my daycare from 7am until 6pm each night.  When she turned 5 she asked that her mom stay home for one day and play with her.  That's what she wanted for her birthday.  Instead she got a bike among other toys (which she opened at 6am so mom could get to work on time).  The day she turned 5 she cried on and off for the whole day.  No matter how much I loved her, played with her, cuddled her, tried to distract her, I was not a replacement for her mom.  It broke my heart.  This was a pattern in their lives.  Kelly's mom had her child and her career.  She had it all.  Too bad Kelly didn't.

"If you are a mother, you participate with God in His work of creation—not only by providing physical bodies for your children but also by teaching and nurturing them. If you are not a mother now, the creative talents you develop will prepare you for that day, in this life or the next."Happiness, Your Heritage," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 119

This is not the life of the lazy.  Being a mom takes time, effort, labor.

One last thing.  Ms. Rosen made a comment about Mitt Romney listening to his wife who was a stay-at-home-mom and out of touch with the world as being old fashioned.  I'd like to say that old fashioned isn't always bad.  Some things that are old fashioned should stay.  After all, if something's not broke don't fix it.  Like integrity, hard work, and monogamy, good ol' fashioned family values isn't something to change.  I hope all husbands will listen to their wives, whether they work in or out of the home.

I feel sorry for you Ms. Rosen.  It may be presumptuous of me but I fear that in your pursuit of self-fulfillment you've missed something very vital to the salvation and happiness of the souls around you.  You've forgotten to appreciate the choices of other very strong women and recognize them for what they are.  You've forgotten that we are all sisters who need to support each other rather than criticize, this life isn't easy for any of us.  We may each go about things differently than each other but we are all important, and all daughter's of a God that loves us.  Yes, even you.  Please take it easy on those daughters that are doing his most noble work.

I'd love to know your thoughts.  Feel free to comment.  If you leave your blog link I'll comment back as well.


  1. LOVE your wallpaper book idea. I'm going to have to try that!

  2. Replies
    1. Thank you. And thanks for stopping by.

  3. I'm an empty nest mom now and I'm forever grateful that I chose to stay home and raise my kids. I worked hard. I was very careful with the money my husband made. I sewed and did alterations for people. I took in other children from time to time. I got my degree - while pregnant with my fourth child. We took family vacations in the family truckster. I was aware of the blessing it was to raise them. I didn't feel mired in it. I didn't travel to exotic places. I recovered sofas and chairs from my parents and in-laws. I had hand me down cribs and nursery items from sisters and friends. I was creative. I read with my kids. I drove them here and drove them there and I wrote checks for this and checks for that (football, tennis, dance, etc.). They're grown now and in their own homes - and I'm happy and traveling and living a very full life. I love watching them move through their lives, make choices, have challenges, joys, etc. No regrets. Living and enjoying fully each "now" that life gives. You'll never regret less $$ for more time.

    1. I have no doubt your family was better off for your sacrifices. I love that you recognized being with your kids as a blessing. I think there's a time and place for everything. Have fun in those travels - You earned them.

  4. Love and appreciate the good humor. So important on such a sensitive issue that has serious, eternal consequences.


    1. Thanks. The humor part keeps me from clawing something. Actually it does help me get past feelings a little more quickly. Thanks for visiting. Please come again.

  5. Full disclosure -- I'm a democrat. I hate hate HATE the false separation that is being created between stay-at-home and work-at-home-for-someone-else and work-outside-of-the-home Moms. I can't say much supportive for Ann Romney. But I thought we, as a society, had moved past the point of thinking that stay at home parents were backwards.

    For my part, I might wish for a few more stay at home Dads to balance the equation, but that number is growing. Mostly, I know families who wish that one parent could stay at home with the kids who don't have the financial stability for it.

    1. Funny you say that. I can't figure out what party I belong to. In general elections I've been known to vote all over the place. I like to go by the person not the party. I just pray a lot first that me and them majority of other citizens will choose the person that God knows is right for us.

      It's also funny you mentioned stay-at-home-dads. We have had times where my husband has been a stay at home dad-mainly when my job has paid better and I refused to put my kiddos in a daycare. He loves it. Thanks for your candid response. Come back any time!

  6. LOVED reading this! Very well said! Thanks for sharing this with all of us. And I loved the humor! You crack me up! I really wish Ms Rosen could read this! You should be a writer! You have such a great way with words and expressing yourself! Definitely made me feel proud about being a stay at home mom!

  7. Very interesting take on such an important topic. I think we as women owe to ourselves and each other to validate and support this job we are all doing as much as we can. It is tough work, no matter what side of the aisle you sit on, and quite frankly whether you work in or out of the house, this mom gig is HARD. As you know, I feel like the "mommy war" should be on the women who deny that! ;)

  8. I love this post. A couple of years ago I felt guilty for being a stay at home mom and for never finishing a degree for the future. I was lucky enough that my husband decided to work from home and told me if I wanted to finish my Degree I could (not easy with 7 kids). I finished it with Honors (most of my study/reading work was done when they were in bed asleep because I still considered myself a full time mom). Now my husband is back at work (outside the home) and I a feeling blessed (& challenged) with being home all the time.We are up around 5:30-6 in the morning and still going often at 11pm (The kids are aged 22 months through to 21 years). I love each and every day I get to see them, play with them, cook, clean, read for them & be with my tribe. It is easy to be running non stop that whole time. I am blessed.


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