The Cop, the Car and the CupYears ago I was in Pocatello, ID visiting my family when I received a phone call (around 6am) from my sister-in-law in Boise saying she was in labor and if I wanted to be there for the birth of my nephew I should get moving. I threw on some clothes, quietly went in to tell my parents goodbye and drove to the Common Cents to fill up with gas and get 64 ounces of diet coke to keep me awake on my 3.5 hour trip.
By the time I hit Twin, pretty close to the half way mark, I had finished the full cup of soda. I was just thinking about how excited I was to get to Boise and see this new little nephew of mine come into the world. Just after Jerome I started feeling like I could use a bathroom. It wasn't too bad at first but the feeling changed from "no big deal" to "sqirm in the seat and hope for the best" real quick. Unfortunately the next exit was a little over an hour away. I'd just passed all the potty stops. I quickly started going through options: I could just go out in the open and pray no one came by....yeah, No! Going between the car doors was out real quick, I was in a two door car. It felt like the same option as number 1. Then I remembered! I had a 64 oz. cup in the car. Nothing else was coming to mind so what real choice did I have, right? So I pulled over.
I stayed right there in the drivers seat, put that cup under me and started to do my thing....for a long time. I started panicking. Was it possible my body hadn't retained a single bit of the 64 ounces? I was starting to worry. I seriously couldn't turn it off. Just then I looked up, into the rear view mirror. My eyes beheld the most horrifying thing. A cop with his lights on right behind me, exiting the car! Guess what I found out? Adrenaline shuts it off. In the biggest hurry I could, I carefully moved that 63.5 ounces of what now looked like Mountain Dew to the passenger side floor and tried to get my pants up before the cop got to my door. I was bouncing all over the car. I'm a speed demon when I need to be. I got zipped and adjusted my shirt just as he got to my door. Pretending to be calm I rolled down the window. I'm sure the cop thought I was up to no good. He had to have seen my head and upper body moving all over the front seat. With his hand on his gun he asked, "Mam, What are you doing?" I have no doubt it looked like I was stashing something in the car. I couldn't come up with anything that sounded intelligent so with the most innocent looking expression said, "Nothing." He asked me again, a little irritated, "Mam, I know you were doing something, tell me what it was." Oh, I SO didn't want to tell him so I tried the one thing that had already proven didn't work, "Nothing." He squared his body real good to the car and said, "I'm not asking again. What were you doing?" I'd lost, I knew I had to tell him. I pointed at that very full glass of ...um...Mountain Dew and said, "Peeing."
I'm not sure if his face turned so many shades of red because he'd caught me or because he was trying to figure out how someone could go that much but he quickly said, "I pulled over to make sure you were okay," then made a run for his car. I laughed the rest of the way to Boise. Even my poor sister in law laughed her way through the last of her labor with my incident.
Other humorous posts:
I'm A Dork (or maybe not)
A Poor Wayfaring Cat Of Grief
Enter At Your Own Risk
A Day in the Life of Tim
What happens in Walmart...Shouldn't!