THAT WAS AWKWARD!

Each of us have our belief systems and the way we practice them.  It's been interesting lately to hear so much about how people look at my religion.  I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints- otherwise known as the Mormons or for short LDS.  I've heard some pretty outrageous ideas about who we are.  A cult, that we brainwash our children, that we have little horns (that one makes me laugh) etc.  But I think mainly it breaks down to this, education and comfort zones.  We are often uncomfortable with things we aren't used to.  I don't see what seems so "weird" about my religion because I practice it.  It's normal to me.  Since I was young I've lived in highly populated LDS areas.  The community I live in now is the least LDS concentrated area I've ever lived in yet I still have a lot of LDS friends.  I also have non-LDS friends but I've not been exposed to a tremendous amount of other religions, or at least not while they are practicing.  But I had quite the uncomfortable experience of my own just this past week.  I hesitated blogging about it because I don't want to come across as mocking or disrespectful.  I've decided to write about it though to show that all of us, no matter what our religious beliefs can feel awkward when faced with a new way of doing things.  Also, it helped me understand what others might feel when it comes to that 'you do it different than me' feeling.

I was at the Idaho Department of Labor (job service).  I was working on a resume in the computer lab when I heard a lady a couple seats away slam the desk and mutter the F-bomb.  I looked at her and realized she was an acquaintance that used to drive a bus for Tim, the disabled person I take care of.  An employee approached her and asked her if there was something she needed help with.  She gave a very irritable, "NO!"  I wondered what was wrong and thought maybe I'd just give her a minute to cool down then say hi- which I did.  It was like a different person emerged when she saw me.  She was happy to see me and asked me about Tim.  I asked her about her boys and she lit up.  She shared with me that one is in Bible School,  one is a youth minister and I can't remember what the other is doing but all three of her boys are very active in their church.  She beamed- a very proud mom as, it sounds, she should be.  Then she started to tell me how they've been blessed so much since they left her abusive husband.  She told me many of the blessings God has poured out on her and her boys and how grateful to Him that she is.  Then she asked me what my religion is.  I told her.  She said something to the effect of, "I know other people who think you guys are weird but I just think you're all so nice and I respect you because you all do more for people than anyone else I've ever met and you're the nicest people around."  I thanked her and told her we try to emulate Christ in the way we live our lives.  She told me she is very active in her Pentecostal church.  The conversation was fine up to this point.  Not awkward at all.  But then...

She told me she'd recently learned to anoint her hands and touch people with them and proclaim for people.  She said that because Jesus hung on the cross and said, "It is finished." that as followers of Christ we can proclaim things that God has to then do for us.  I'm not sure how she got from point A to point B but this was our first religious difference to come up.  I didn't say it out loud.  I want to have respect for her beliefs and I certainly don't need to get into a battle over what's right and wrong and interpretation etc.  In her defense, we didn't spend the time on this topic for me to understand it completely.  My own belief is that I don't tell God what to do.  I can ask with faith and if something is his will then he can make it happen if he chooses.  I do believe that he wants to bless us because he loves us and we're his children.  I also believe that we have many unseen blessings and that although something seems right to us, we may be wrong.  He sees the big picture.  I may not get what I want, no matter how "good" it seems.  Moving on.

The idea of her anointing her hands and touching people with them seems similar to the priesthood.  The priesthood is the power of God.  I believe in order to have this power it must be given by someone who has the authority.  I don't believe she does and so I felt funny about this.  Again though, I didn't think it was for me to disagree or tell her I think she's wrong.  She has a right to her beliefs just as I have a right to mine.  I like to have a healthy, common respect and I was trying to understand.

Well, we talked religion for a few minutes and then I let her know I needed to leave.  She said, "Before you go I have to say a prayer for you.  Do you mind?"  Honestly, I don't mind people praying for me, I can use all the prayers I can get.  I also believe that when it comes to prayer it doesn't matter what our religion, God hears and answers ALL prayers.  At the same time, I wasn't sure what to expect.  There were people around.  

I hesitantly said, "Okay.  Hoping we'd go in the bathroom or something."  She said great and jumped up.  I grabbed my things and followed her.  I breathed a sigh of relief as we entered the lobby we must be headed for the bathroom.  I breathed that sigh to soon.  She passed the bathroom door and headed outside.  I thought, Oh good, we'll go around the building where we have some privacy.  No such luck.  Just outside the front doors she stopped and turned to me and said, "I'd like to make a proclamation for you."  I politely said, I don't fully understand your proclamation and I don't feel comfortable with that.  I am okay with a prayer though."  She didn't appear at all offended and asked what I do with my hands when I pray?  I showed her that when I say my personal prayers or pray in church I fold my arms.  (Our family holds hands when we say our daily family prayers together.)  She told me that she believes that when we pray we receive and so asked me to hold my hands out palms up in front of me.  At this point I was looking around to see how many people were going to witness this.  The answer at this point was at least 5.  I was grateful for the darkened windows on the building.  It was easier to pretend no one was inside looking out.  I quit looking, I was feeling very awkward.  As LDS we pray in church as congregations, we pray as families, we say our own personal prayers, we pray in group leadership positions and I could name many more etc. but this is not how I'm used to doing it.  OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE!  

James 6:5-6

5	¶ And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
6	But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

Please don't think I feel she's a hypocrite, I don't.  Really, if she wanted to have more of a group we'd have stayed in the computer lab where there were at least 50 others who could have witnessed it.  Maybe she thought the bathroom was inappropriate.  I do share this scripture to show my belief and the way I practice my prayers though.  It's not for show, it's between my Heavenly Father and me.  It's to gain a personal relationship with him.  It's in private more so I can listen and try to feel what he may be communicating back.

This nice lady then raised her hands and started to say a very flowery prayer.  And while she wasn't yelling, she wasn't quiet either.  I shut my eyes tightly, afraid to see how many people might be gawking at us.  I felt so completely conspicuous that I started wondering what the people around us were thinking.  I was glad my bishop had a job.  I didn't think he'd be at job service and I didn't want to have to explain what I was doing.  I could have been wearing blinking lights and felt less obvious.  Where was the nearest hole?  The elaborate language (yes, it was in English) she was using was very difficult for me to follow.  It felt more like a bunch of words to me than communication- I'm sure she knew what she was saying though.  (I did think it was ironic that these words were coming out of her mouth just a few minutes after the F-word).  I believe that language is very powerful see this post on language.  After what seemed like a very long time (but was probably a minute or so) she finished.  She lowered her hands and said, "I can see the Lord covering you and your family with a blanket of love right now."  I thanked her, (that was a nice sentiment and I'm pretty sure she was speaking metaphorically) and we parted ways.  I did a very good job at just walking and not running to my car.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't laugh in the car.  I think it was a release of that distress and awkwardness that had been wound up in me for the past couple minutes.  Honestly, I was dying to share this experience with my husband.  He says I always get into crazy situations - Go figure.  This was a new experience, not one I want to relive. I'll stick with my way of praying.  But it has opened my eyes a little more to what others may think of LDS people.

So, to my non-LDS followers (if there are many of you).  Is this what it feels like to be around us?  Do we do weird things you aren't used to that make you feel awkward?

I served an apostle of God!

I've been anxiously awaiting a moment in my schedule to blog about an amazing weekend.  February 11-12 our stake had the privilege of listening to an apostle of God, Elder M. Russell Ballard, who came with Elder J. Craig Rowe our area seventy and President Cannon, the Boise Mission President.  I'm not going to write down everything they said- even though I kept very good notes and could probably come close.   I have enjoyed going back over the notes though and just keeping what they said alive in my heart.  What amazing messages.  I'd like to share just a couple things that stuck out to me.

M. Russell Ballard

At the beginning of the adult session Saturday night, President Eljay Waite, the first counselor in the stake Presidency spoke and promised us that if we had come with questions that we'd find the answers during the session.  I love those kinds of promises.  Especially when they apply to me.  I had in fact come with a question in regards to my prayers.  Throughout that session of conference I had thoughts that I knew were my answers.  To top that off Elder Ballard brought up, for just a moment, my specific question and he answered it, which I was able to add to my other thoughts.  By the time the session was over I felt quite satisfied at the answers revealed to me.  What a blessing!

Something else that stood out to me was a statement.  Each time I read over my notes it jumps out at me again.  Elder Ballard said, "The Lord is just as close to each of you as he is to President Monson."  I LOVE that!  When I think about it I know it's true although if I'd never heard him say it I never would have thought it.  That makes me feel amazing.  I already have no doubt of my Heavenly Father's love for me.  I see it manifested constantly.  But when I think of President Monson, a prophet of God, who speaks face to face with Him it's amazing to think of that relationship so similar in feelings to my relationship with Him.  How fortunate we are.  This is my realization.  I've struggled with heartbreak and sometimes desperation over a son who's chosen not to have anything to do with the gospel.  I remember thinking at one time that if someone like President Monson could petition the Lord for shepherds on my son's behalf, for experiences that would help his heart to be softened, and to remember what it felt like to have the spirit, to remember his testimony and the overwhelming amount of love and friendships he had in the church, that it would be better than just my own pleadings.  I was wrong.  My Heavenly Father is just as close to me as to President Monson.  My pleadings are listened to.  I may not see him face to face when I talk to him but I do feel his presence.  I know I'm being heard and listened to.  Often I'm comforted and loved and taught.  I have just as much right to personal revelation as the prophet does.  How cool is that!  When that closeness isn't there, it's only me that's not feeling it.  He still is.

Another thought I've had is that Elder Ballard is real.  He's very much like us.  I guess if we really think about it we can gather that but listening to him speak really brought that thought home.  I found out he falls asleep in movie theaters (just like me), when he was younger he felt like leaving church when his kids were noisy and he wasn't getting anything out of it anyway (just like I did when the kids were younger), and he forgets things- important things (like I do on a daily basis).  Elder Ballard brought his 17 year old grandson, Trueman, with him.  He's a neat young man preparing for his mission.  Elder Ballard was talking about grandparents being 'memory makers' and he asked Trueman share a favorite memory of his grandfather.  Trueman told about going on the pioneer trek as a family.  He said in Martin's Cove he and a cousin found some glass looking rocks.  Elder Ballard told them of a significance they had with the pioneers.  Trueman couldn't remember what that significance was though and turned to his grandfather to ask.  Everyone witnessed the smallest of headshakes left and right and that ever so slight widening of the eyes that told Trueman, 'You're on your own here, Buddy.'  It was quite a funny moment.  Trueman turned back to the mic and let everyone know that what he remembered most was that Elder Ballard had told them how important those rocks were that he evidently couldn't remember any longer.  What a sweet relationship they had.  As Trueman spoke his grandfather's arm was lovingly around him.  I loved seeing Elder Ballard so real and down to earth.

I had a great privilege after the stake conference.  I know it sounds silly and small but I got to set Elder Ballard's table.  CG is the wife of our stake president and had the HUGE job of feeding the visitors.  Think about that, for just a moment.  She had to cook dinner while stake conference was in session.  As women we want everything so perfect for anyone we entertain.  When I entertain it takes me hours to get everything just the way I want it.  I'm usually rushing up until the moment my guests come.  I can't imagine spending the two hours prior to my "dinner party" sitting and not cooking, cleaning, arranging, etc.   I was in the choir seats so I was able to see as she sat there, listening to the messages and feeling the spirit, while the dinner cooked out of her sight.  As I think about it I get a glimpse of Mary (the sister of Martha and Lazarus) who had many tasks but chose the better part.  I know it probably was made easier because she'd planned before hand.  She was VERY organized!  Which made my job easy.  Place settings were ready to be set on the table, plates and chargers together, napkins already folded etc.  Everything was beautiful.  I was blessed to have a small roll in it.  Now I can say I've served an apostle of God, even if it was just a small little thing it feels very big.

Dallin H. Oaks

Two weeks prior to our conference Elder Dallin H. Oaks was at the conference in my dads and brothers stake.  After it was over my brother, Jared, took his three little girls up to meet him.  As he got there Elder Oaks had started to walk away.  Jared called, "Elder Oaks, would it be okay if my girls met you? "  Rather than just giving a quick hand shake Elder Oaks sat down on the pew and gathered my little angel nieces into his arms and loved them.  I am so touched by this showing of love it brings tears to my eyes.  Then Jared shook his hand and said, "I've actually met you a couple times."  Elder Oaks asked when.  Jared told him that when he was a young boy he was able to sit up front in the old tabernacle a couple times with our mom who was sometimes in a wheelchair.  Elder Oaks asked, "Who was your mother?"  Jared replied, "Marcia Anderson."  Elder Oaks said, "I remember your mom!"  Again, tears reach my eyes.  If an apostle of God can remember my mom from more than 10 years ago from just a couple meetings then surely the Lord remembers each of us!  Nothing of new news but of such great importance.  I love these reminders.